CHALLENGE #1

In English, there is only one way to address others and that is with “you”. In French, the pronouns “Tu” and “Vous”, although they both mean “you”, are as different as “I” and “We” in English.

How to know when to use “tu” or “vous” is one of the most common questions I get asked in French lessons. Although it may seem complicated when summed up in a few lines, believe me, it’s much simpler than you might think. Therefore, we will make this the first challenge of Embrace French au Québec.

First, I will explain concepts and differences, give you examples, tell you about my experience and then give you a challenge to practice these notions. You will never have to worry about whether to use “Tu” or “Vous” again.

The Short Explanation of “Tu” and “Vous”

“Tu” is the singular “you”: I always address only one person when I use “tu”. However, I reserve it only for informal situations such as:

• Someone I know very well, who is familiar to me
  • my best friend, my brother, my mother, etc.
• Someone younger than me or the same age
  • my children, my neighbor’s teenagers, my friend’s new boyfriend, etc.
• Someone who has the same status as me (this is the hardest part, we will get back to it later)
  • an acquaintance, a colleague my age with whom I have worked for several months/years, someone who comes up to me in a bar, etc.

“Vous” is both the singular and plural “you”: I can address a single person, more formally, with whom “tu” would be inappropriate or a group of people.

“Vous” plural: a group of people (the easiest)

• Two or more people that you are not part of
  • i.e. Although you say “tu” to your father and mother separately, if you are talking to both of them at the same time, you say “vous”.
  • “C’est bien mardi que vous revenez de vacances?” (You are coming back from vacation on Tuesday, right?)

“Vous” singular and formal: when I am referring to only one person for whom I have respect or with whom I want to mark a certain distance (because that person is a stranger to me).

• Someone older than me
• A teacher, a professor
• Any stranger on the street
• Any person who works in a restaurant, a store, a clinic, etc.
• My doctor, my dentist, etc.
• In any work situation where I don’t know (yet) the person I am talking to

The Golden Rule To Always Make The Right Choice Between “Tu” and “Vous”

In fact, there is none! Well, in theory yes; it’s the previous section… but in practice, the perception of respect and distance (stranger vs acquaintance) varies a lot from region to region as well as from time to time. For example, my grandmother always said “vous” to her mother while I always said “tu” to mine.

That being said, I’ll give you the golden rule my mother told me: You can never be too polite so when in doubt, go with “vous”!

Trust me, we always prefer someone to say “Oh, you can say “tu” to me!” and not “Can you say “vous” to me?!”. In fact, people won’t say the last one. They will just think that you are being rude and disrespectful. So, when in doubt = VOUS

At the same time, you should know that in Quebec, people are always so happy when someone takes the trouble to learn French, so with your beginner’s accent and hesitations, they will be much more tolerant and won’t make a bid deal out of your occasional mistakes.

The Right Vocabulary

In French, choosing to use the personal pronoun “tu” or “vous” is an action and therefore, there are verbs to indicate our choice… and of course, a noun exists to name the fact of using “tu” or “vous”

Tutoyer (verb)

The definition of Wiktionary is “To address in French using the familiar second-person pronoun TU”. In the present tense, it goes like this (click here to hear the pronunciation):

Je tutoie
Tu tutoies
Il/elle tutoie
Nous tutoyons
Vous tutoyez
Ils/Elles tutoient

Examples:

• Tu peux me tutoyer (You can be on first-name terms with me).
• Ça va si nous nous tutoyons? (Is it okay if we say “tu” to each other?)
• Je tutoie toujours mes amis. (I always use “tu” with my friends.)

Tutoiement (noun):

This is simply the action of tutoyer.

Examples:

• Je n’utilise jamais le tutoiement avec mes clients. (I never use first name with my clients).
• Le tutoiement est réservé aux gens que nous connaissons. (The tutoiement is reserved for people we know.)

Vouvoyer (verb):

The definition of Wiktionary is “To address someone using the formal pronoun “vous” rather than the informal “tu””. In the present tense, it goes like this (click here to hear the pronunciation):

Je vouvoie
Tu vouvoies
Il/elle vouvoie
Nous vouvoyons
Vous vouvoyez
Ils/Elles vouvoient

Examples:

• Je vouvoie toujours mon dentiste. (I always address my dentist as “vous”.)
• Il préfère vouvoyer tout le monde. (He prefers to be polite to everyone.)
• Tu vouvoies ton patron. (You address your boss as “vous”.)

Vouvoiement (noun):

This is simply the action of vouvoyer.

Examples:

• J’utilise toujours le vouvoiement avec mes clients. (I always use “vous” to address my customers.)
• Le vouvoiement est réservé aux gens qui sont plus âgés que moi. (The formal mode is reserved for people who are older than me.)

How Do You Know If It’s “Vous” Singular-formal Or “Vous” Plural-group?

To know if we refer to a single person but in a polite and/or formal way or to a group of people of which we do not belong, we must rely on the context. It is very similar to the use of “you” in English where the context informs us. For example, if we know that it is a teacher speaking to her class using “vous”, we know that it’s a group of students, therefore plural. If I tell you about my day by saying “When I arrived at my client’s, I said to him “Je suis contente de vous voir, ça faisait longtemps” (I am happy to see you, it has been a long time), we also know that it’s the singular and formal “vous”.

In French, since we always have to adjust “en genre et en nombre” (literally in gender (feminine, masculine) and number (singular or plural)), the way of writting can also help us knowing if it’s the formal singular “vous” or the group plural “vous”.

If I ask my friend’s grandmother (feminine, singular): “Voulez-vous rentrer? Êtes-vous fatiguée?” (Do you want to go inside? Are you tired?) Fatiguée will also be feminine and singular.

If a teacher asks the same thing to three students (masculine, plural): “Voulez-vous rentrer? Êtes-vous fatigués?” Fatigués will also be masculine and plural.

The Evolution of “Vous” Into “Tu”

There are situations where you will want to address a person using “vous” and then, as your relationship evolves, you will decide to use “tu”. For example, if you always go to the same coffee shop and week after week, it is always the same person who serves you and you are roughly the same age, you will probably migrate to the “tu”. The same goes for colleagues you get to know over the months you spend at your new job.

Examples of personal situations where the “vous” has become “tu”

• During a job interview, I was talking to everyone using “vous”, ranging from the receptionist (10 years younger than me) to the people who interviewed me. On my first day at work, the receptionist asked me to use “tu” with her, as well as my colleagues at “the same hierarchical level” and a few managers from other departments who were roughly the same age as me. On the other hand, with my boss, who was also the President of the company and more than 20 years my senior, I kept the “vous” all the time I worked there (while he said “tu” to me).
• When I moved into my new house, the first times I spoke with my neighbors, because they were strangers to me and because I wasn’t sure of their age, I used “vous”, although today, I use the familiar “tu” with them.
• When I was meeting marketing customers, for business development and for the first meetings, it was always “vous”. Often, after the 3rd or 4th meeting, someone said Can we “tutoyer” each other?

Therefore, while you may become familiar with someone, you are not familiar when you first meet them. You should not base your choice of “tu” and “vous” on how you hope the relationship will evolve, but rather on how it is when you are talking (at this very moment) to the person.

Situations in which, even if I know the person, I will ALWAYS keep “vous”

• All professionals such as doctors, dentists, specialists, etc.
• All teachers, professors, school principals, etc.
• People who are significantly older thant me and not part of my family.
  • For example, although I use “tu” with my grandmother, I would never use it with her best friend, even though I have known her since childhood.

Thus, this “vous” marks a respect for their experience and knowledge. Since I will always have this respect for them, I will always “vouvoyer” them.

Situations filled with gray areas

It is very easy to choose between “tu” and “vous” for many situations. For example, the royal family = vous, a child who seems lost = tu… But what about all the situations where we have as many reasons to choose “tu” as to choose “vous”.

The “tu” and “vous” are often explained for very specific, very clear, very “black or white” situations. But life is always full of gray areas 😉 So let’s see some examples and test your instincts.

To truly test you and let you answer, the anwsers are at the end of this article, just before the challenge.

Situation: Will I use “tu” or “vous” with people I am introduced to? (Will I say “Heureuse de te connaître” ou “Heureuse de vous connaître”? (Nice to meet you.)

A) My best friend introduces me to her new boyfriend.

B) My best friend introduces me to her new boyfriend who is a doctor.

C) My best friend introduces me to her college professor, when I go to meet her at the end of her class.

D) My best friend introduces me to her college professor whom we meet at the grocery store.

E) My best friend introduces me to everyone (one by one) at a potluck dinner she is hosting.

F) My best friend’s grandmother whom I have know for over 15 years.

How did you fin this excercise? How many do you think you got right?

Answers: A – tu (he becomes an “extension” of my relationship with my best friend), B – tu (in this context, he is my best friend’s new boyfriend much more than a doctor), C – Vous (not only is he a college professor, but I meet him in his work context), D – Vous (his relationship with my best friend is still the same, although we don’t meet him at his work place), E- Tu (Like at A, here we all have the same status and we are all kind of an “extension” of the relationship we share with the host of the party), F – Vous (not only is this a person who is much older than me, but I respect her immensely)

Your Challenge: Tu vs Vous

Your challenge will be to practice several situations. I ask you, for 3 days, to always ask yourself if you would choose “tu” or “vous” for ALL the people you meet. For example, you come home and your mother asks you how was your day (tu or vous?), you take a walk with your dog and meet your neighbor (tu or vous?), you go to a restaurant and the hostess asks you if you have a reservation (tu or vous?).

The goal of this challenge is for this to become a natural reflex for you and for it to be automatic the next time you address someone in French.

Bonus Question:

In your opinion, in this article (French version), am I using “tu” or “vous” with my audience? The answer can be found on our Facebook page.

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